[Leica] Piercings and Tatoos

[dennis at hale-pohaku.com (Dennis Painter)]

I will explain what has been related to me about arranged marriages in China 
with
the caveat that I may well be inaccurate or incomplete. I do think that many 
of us
are making a mistake to comment and/or judge something we do not have the
knowledge or background to understand. I also think we have to be careful 
about
judging other's culture using our standards.

The family is all important to the Chinese. The children are reared with that
deeply ingrained and know that the parents will work very hard to arrange 
the best
possible marriage for both sons and daughters, neither have a "veto" on the
decision. In fact to show any sign of not accepting the parents decision 
would
dishonor the entire family. To bring dishonor is unforgivable.

The parents of both families will confer over a long period of time to 
ensure that
the two will be compatible and that  the marriage successful, for if not it 
will
bring shame to the families.

Is the wife in this marriage subservient? well I suppose it depends on your
definition, she is "second in command" to the husband, but she is as 
important as
him within the family unit. He will confide and consult with her but he will 
make
the final decisions.

To say that this system is somehow flawed because the husband and wife do 
not make
their own marriage decisions is to apply the standards of your culture to 
another
culture. Perhaps if the people of the world could stop doing this there 
would be
less strife and conflict.

My limited knowledge is with respect to the people of China, no doubt there 
are
other societies and cultures that have different customs.

Times are, and have, been changing bringing changes to families throughout 
the
world especially in urban areas. Are these changes good? I hope so, I 
suppose time
will tell.

I do hope some of our Asian members will correct my errors an omissions, off 
list
if they wish, but no matter what I most certainly will not feel insulted to 
be set
right on any of this.

See you in the forum ;-)
Dennis


Mark Langer wrote:

> I'm unaware that there are any studies that demonstrate that arranged
> marriages are less successful than the kind predominant in the West.
> The kinds of abuse that Nathan attributes to arranged marriages can
> easily be equalled by abuses found in our system of marriage in the
> West.  Frankly, I suspect that parents wanting a good future for their
> children may make more rational and mature decisions than the children
> would themselves.  I also find it strange that this should be likened
> to female circumcision.  Here's one North American who is with you on
> this matter Jayanand.
>
> Mark
>
> On 8/2/05, Jayanand Govindaraj <jgovindaraj@eth.net> wrote:
> > You equate an arranged marriage with female circumcision? Wow! Liberal
> > European thinking!!
> > Cheers
> > Jayanand Govindaraj
> > Chennai, India
> > (who has been happily married for 27 years through an arranged marriage, 
> > and
> > has had no problem with it)
> >
>
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