[Leica] Survival guide

[imx <imxputs@knoware.nl>]

We all know about the many guides for survival in hostile environments, be
it a desert, the urban jungle or the Lug.
If you want to become a member of this collective, there are a few things
you should do and many things you should not even dare to think about. Here
we go:
Always note that current Leica management does not know its business.
Produce a list of features that are lacking in current Leica products and a
list of products they do not even manufacture. Then announce that it is
obvious "they" should make those things, as it is evident where the money
is. 
Always note that the M3 is way better than the M6. Never give facts, but
remark that you know from highly qualified people within Leica or from
independent repairpersons, who for obvious reasons want to stay anonymous
that the M6 is a piece of crap, jeopardizing its legend by using some
plastic parts. If you want to very popular, then hint that there is even a
Japanese influence behind current Leica products.
Always exclaim that you will never trust facts, as facts are EITHER
worthless as not being releveant for a working photographer OR being
delivered by persons who obviously are untrustworty as they seem to know too
much. Expand on this by noting that anyone who is consistently positive
about Leica or Leica-oriented products that they must be paid to be
positive. 
Be very careful to make at least two critical and one very negative remark
per week  about current leica managament and current Leica products to
bolster your credibility. If you have nothing new to say, just repeat what
you said before: better to repeat your own stories than have to listen to
someone else's nonsense.
Chop to pieces anyone who dares to note that he just buys Leica because he
likes it or has the money for it. Leica is for cognoscendi like yourself.
If someone asks you to explain your point (any point), stay very calm and
remark that you have used Leicas for at least two decades, that you own a
lot of hard earned equipment and that this is enough qualification. Reagon
even became president on a flimsier base. If you wish to kill your opponent,
remark that you have friends who are real photographers.

Always show superior knowledge and a firm command of the act of Leica
photography to say that current Leica lenses employ glass elements from
japanese factories and that MTF graphs are worthless as they are designed
for flat objects. When asked to explain why this is relevant, you can easily
hide your ignorance by referring to an article that you have some where in
your file or that you  have heard it from a real expert.
On the other hand feel free to refer to the MTF graphs published on the
Internet if you need evidence that a non-Leica lens is as good as a leica
lens, or the other way around.
Occassionally indicate that you have access to inside information, as you
are close with high ranking Leica officials and you know more than you may
tell. It is safe to do so, as you may not reveal anything and so nobody
knows what you really know.
Publicly distrust anyone who has closer contacts with the company officials
that you have: they do not know where to draw the line.
Always disqualify persons who are supposed to be on Leica's payroll. But
always refer to the books of Kisselbach and Osterloh as the best sources for
true Leica info. They must have the real info as they are/were inside the
company. The obvious inconsistency can be easily countered by the fact that
BMW owns Rolls-Royce and that is no problem at all.
Never engage in a real discussion. That is boring and dangerous as you would
have to change your mind or viewpoint. If there is a remote possibility that
a serious discourse about Leica photography  is emerging, you have two
escape routes: start a discussion about the use of filters on a Leica lens
or about the need to blacken your red dot on the camera OR throw in a few
remarks about pornography in current photography.
Follow these guidelines and you will survive easily.
 
Erwin