Archived posting to the Leica Users Group, 2003/12/12
[Author Prev] [Author Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Author Index] [Topic Index] [Home] [Search]Jerry: Sorry, it wasn't written by me but was a "joke story" that someone sent me about a year ago along with about a dozen others. I don't remember that there was any indication as to the identity of the author. It was too good to throw away so I saved it for an occasion such as Phong's _lament_ about a "meaningful discussion on how to photographically portray such things as sex, lust, temptation, desire, etc. in an artistic way". Maybe you could re-write its essence in such a way that it wouldn't be plagiarism and then submit it yourself to the Screen Writers Guild. :-) Jim - http://www.hemenway.com P.S. I'd love to see the following photographically portrayed... we have at least two photographers on this list who could probably pull it off! - ------ A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's privates and he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says. That night a few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's privates. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon trick might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's privates. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly. He wakes from his stupor and stumbles into the bathroom where he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon on the dog. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or, what we did, but, we took first and second place!" - ----------- Jerry Lehrer wrote: > Jim > > Expect a letter from the Screen Writers Guild! TV special to follow. > > Jerry > > Jim Hemenway wrote: > > >>Phong wrote: >> >> > Anyway, I think I will give up on this topic on the LUG. >> > I tried a few times to have a meaningful discussion on >> > how to photographically portray such things as sex, lust, >> > temptation, desire, etc. in an artistic way, and failed. >> >>It's next to impossible Phong, but as an exercise, how would you >>photographically portray the following? >> >>-------------------------- >> >>Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He >>asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A >>few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy >>themselves They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while >>neither one of them is seeing anybody else. >> >>And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to >>Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: >>“Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for >>exactly six months?” >> >>And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very >>loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him >>that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; >>maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that >>he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of. >> >>And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. >> >>And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of >>relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d >>have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way >>we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we >>just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we >>heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? >>Am I ready for that level of commitment? >>Do I really even know this person? >> >>And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was... let’s see.... >>February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car >>at the dealer’s, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... >>Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. >> >>And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m >>reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our >>relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed— even >>before I sensed it—that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet >>that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own >>feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected. >> >>And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission >>again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting >>right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this >>time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is >>shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves >>$600. >> >>And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be >>angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t >>help the way I feel. I’m just not sure. >> >>And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. >> That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs. >> >>And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a >>knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next >>to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I >>truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person >>who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. >> >>And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a >>darn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... >> >>“Roger,” Elaine says aloud. >> >>“What?” says Roger, startled. >> >>“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning >>to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have ... >>Oh my, I feel so ...” (She breaks down, sobbing.) >> >>“What?” says Roger. >> >>“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I >>really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.” >> >>“There’s no horse?” says Roger. >> >>“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says. >> >>“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. >> >>“It’s just that ... It’s that I ... I need some time,” Elaine says. >>(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, >>tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that >>he thinks might work.) >> >>“Yes,” he says. >> >>(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) >> >>“Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says. >> >>“What way?” says Roger. >> >>“That way about time,” says Elaine. >> >>“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.” >> >>(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to >>become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it >>involves a horse. At last she speaks.) >> >>“Thank you, Roger,” she says. >> >>“Thank you,” says Roger. >> >>Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured >>soul, and weeps until dawn. >> >>Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the >>TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match >>between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far >>recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back >>there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever >>understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about >>it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.) >> >>The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of >>them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. >>In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and >>everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every >>word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every >>possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off >>and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite >>conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. >> >>Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend >>of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: >> >>“Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?” >> >>----------------------------------- >> >>Didn't Salome run in the same race as Sea Biscuit? >> >>Jim, "ask me anything about love and lust" Hemenway >> >>Phong wrote: >> >>>I am not sure what you mean by transcending lust, as opposed >>>to love, joy, courage, etc. Lust would make a fascinating >>>subject. Salome, anyone ? I bet one of the classical >>>painters have done Salome before. >>> >>>Anyway, I think I will give up on this topic on the LUG. >>>I tried a few times to have a meaningful discussion on >>>how to photographically portray such things as sex, lust, >>>temptation, desire, etc. in an artistic way, and failed. >>> >>>Cheers, >>> >>>- Phong >> - -- Jim - http://www.hemenway.com - -- To unsubscribe, see http://mejac.palo-alto.ca.us/leica-users/unsub.html